How I got paid $500 to catch car thieves while sleeping on the job

True story.

This happened, oh, about several years ago. I forgot the exact date. I was in my mid-20s, I think. (This period was a hazy time in my life...)

Anyway, one of my low-paying temp jobs back then was that of a prestigious security guard. My sworn duty, with my trusty baton in hand and 20 minutes of VHS video training, was to walk the premises of a high-end condominium complex 3 times a night. The rest of the my shift? 

I'd sleep.

I know, I know, that's not what security guards are *supposed* to do. But, it's what I did. I was lazy.

In fact, I would probably spend just 30 minutes of my 6-hour shift on patrol. The rest of the time, I'd:

  • read books
  • take naps

In that order. 

Well, one night, while my slacker self was strolling the premises, doing my minimum due diligence, the sound of breaking glass in the parking garage caught my attention. My first reaction was to shrug it off and continue my patrol.

But, probably due to boredom, I decided to check it out...

Lo and behold, not 1, 2, but 3 car thieves (with beady little eyes and tweaked-out bodies) were staring dead at me, like a couple of fresh-out-of-the-sewer raccoons I just caught feasting on a dead turkey. 

My reaction to seeing them was sensible. I ran away and called it in on my radio. (They were not paying me enough to do anything else.)

About 20 minutes later, an ARMY arrived.

I say army, because there were at least 2 choppers, several squad cars, and a couple K9 units. They were *really* taking this seriously. It happened in the richy-rich part of town, remember.

Even though 20 minutes passed, the car thieves were still at it. My rugged, but half-asleep, self didn't scare them off, apparently. Two of the car thieves were immediately caught. The third was found 30 minutes later at a nearby liquor store.

Because my radio call caught the thieves, I was praised by my company, the local police department, and everyone in the complex who caught wind of the story. I was their hero... and they gave me a $500 bonus for my efforts. Heh. :)

Why tell you this?

Well, looking back, I could've made far better use of my time at my job.

Instead of "killing time" by taking naps, I could've been "soaking up" some of the world's best knowledge directly into my cranium. Had some of the programs today been around back then, I could've made better use of my time. Hell, maybe I would've motivated myself enough to learn Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and opened up a can of whurparse on those bad guys!

And while I did get paid $500, it was pure luck. Who knows, maybe I could've made $500,000 instead by starting my own business.


Raymond Duke